(SINGING) The Simpsons (TIRES SCREECHING) D’oh! (SCREAMS) (BRAKES SCREECHING) Let’s get started. First I’d like to
thanks to the magic of Disney Animatronics, Strom Thurmond
will live another
100 years. (RECORDING)
Twenty more terms! Moving on to new business,
what act of unmitigated evil shall the Republican Party
undertake this week? Oh! Oh, oh, oh. You’ve already
done enough, Nader. Let’s get rid of PBS! Those lousy Muppets
have been taking food out of my mouth
for too long! (SCOFFS) I say we crack down
on the hippies. Bla. What about this
dang environment? Back in Texas,
we got rid of it, and it made everyone
a lot happier. ALL: He was so happy… Excellent. We shall destroy
the environment by scrapping every
anti-pollution law. Now Bob Dole
will read from
the Necronomicon. (SPEAKING IN LATIN) In addition,
has declared recycling a felony. And Smokey the Bear
is now Choppy the Lumberjack. These trees are our
national heritage! (ROARING) (LAUGHING) A grizzly bear
with a chainsaw. Now there’s
a killing machine! (HOOTING) Stop endangering yourself.
Stop endangering yourself. Eyes stinging! Good Lord! Acid rain! (SCREAMING) It burns like
a Glasgow bikini wax! (SCREAMING) We’d better stay inside,
at least until the squirrels
stop melting. No problem.
There’s plenty of
activities inside. Now let’s see
how our blind dates
liked each other. Oh, I really felt
there was a connection, and I would
definitely go out
with her again. He smelled like puke! The TV! (EXCLAIMING IN FEAR) (SCREAMING) Stop screaming, Homer. Quit trying to
control me. We don’t need TV
to have family fun. Why don’t we
play Monopoly? Which version? We’ve got
Star Wars Monopoly. (READING) Let’s stick to
original Monopoly. The game is crazy
enough as it is. How can an iron
be a landlord? Pennsylvania Avenue. I want to buy a house.
Hey, where’d they go? New shooter! (CHUCKLES) That’s it, baby.
Welcome to Marvin Gardens. (CHUCKLES) We’ll see
One, two, three… D’oh! You’re a little
light here, Dad. I’m good for the rest.
You know I am. Well, I’d like
to trust you, Homer. But you’ve been
in jail three times. They told me
it would be like
this on the outside. These hotels
are made of Legos.
Bart, you’re cheating! Lisa, it was probably
an accident. Oh, sure.
You take his side just because he
bought you that house
on St. James Place. Who else is gonna
take care of her? Dad? Why you little… Stop fighting! Mom, that’s not
how you pry
them apart. I’ve been prying
them apart since
before you were born! (CHOKING) Okay. Everyone
turn to the left. Hey!
Oh, come on,
people. The Prison Nutcracker Suite
is one week away. And I don’t see
five Sugar Plums. I see five guys
who don’t know their moves
and don’t seem to care! There, I said it! (PHONE RINGING)
That better be Wardrobe. And it better be
good news. Hello?
(BART CHOKING) It sounds like
a domestic disturbance. All right.
We’ll be right back. And don’t try anything,
there is a snitch. (GROANING) Another case of
violence, Chief. How do those
sleep at night? We better send in
the Negotia-bot. I am Brenda.
I am programmed to talk in a calm and
constructive manner. Destroy! Destroy! Hey, this is taffy! Police brutality! And chew-tality! Nice work, Brenda.
I’ll take it from here. No way.
This is my collar. (SCOFFS) Too bad
real women don’t come
with these, huh? (GIGGLING) You got that right.
Quiet, you! That counts as
your phone call. Thanks a lot,
everybody. Now, I’ll never
get into an Ivy
League school. You’re going to Stanford.
You’re going to Stanford. You’re going to Stanford.
You’re going to Stanford. Take it back!
Take it back! Stanford.
This family has
hit rock bottom. (ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING) Hello. I’m Gabriel. (GASPS) A heavenly choir.
You must be an angel! (LAUGHS) No. That’s my pager. (MUSIC STOPS)
I’m a social worker. I’m here to help
you stop fighting
and become a family again. No. You are
an angel. Like Denzel Washington
in The Preacher’s Wife, or Will Smith
in Bagger Vance,
or Slimer in Ghostbusters. Sir, we know
you’re not an angel. My husband sees
too many movies. Don’t blame me.
in its second golden age, may it never end. In a difficult
case like this, I like to observe
member individually. Well, my room
is my sanctuary. My family knows
that and respects that. I got sprayed by
a skunk! Let me rub it
off on your sweaters! Just 10 more years.
Just 10 more years. Just 10 more years. Attention, everyone.
This is Gabriel,
my personal social worker. He has to be here.
I’m just that nuts. (KIDS EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) How come you get
a social worker? I’m the one
with stigmata. Thank you, Marge.
You sure do
love cooking. Food keeps
my family happy. So, I make a few
before showtime. Because at 6:00,
we go live! Ah! Okay, Gabriel,
this is a bar. It’s where I go
to drink alcohol, which is the
of your ambrosia. Homer, I am not an angel! (SNORTS) Well,
not with that temper. Look, the thing
about my family is
there’s five of us. Marge, Bart,
Girl Bart, the one who
and the fat guy. How I loathe him! (GLASS SHATTERING) HOMER: Oh! Okay. Why are we
in the woods? Is this heaven?
No. I brought you out
here to shake off your negative
behavior patterns. Marge, you medicate
your family with food. Bart, you’ll do
anything for attention. Cut that out! They chose me. Homer, your problem
is quite simple. You’re a drunken,
childish buffoon. Which is society’s
fault because… It’s your fault, Homer.
But I’ve got an exercise that will help
all of you break out of
the roles you’re stuck in. Who feels
Right here! Me, too!
Good. I hung it on
the top of that tree. But how are we
supposed to get it? You’ll just
have to cooperate. Cooperate? Well, this is
one family that
doesn’t swing that way! Are you sure? I made roast
beef sandwiches, one falafel…
Thank you. …and plenty
of beer. Give me that beer! (EXCLAIMING IN FEAR) Gabriel, are you okay? Yes. But I’m afraid
your lunch has attracted some
unwanted visitors. (GROWLING) We’ve got to do
something! But what? Okay, family huddle. Here’s how
it’s gonna go down. As a family,
we drive away. We cover for each
other as a family. That’s what Gabriel
would’ve wanted. Look. We can’t fall
into old patterns. We’ve got to
think of a plan. Okay. But
talk like this. Fine. I’ll talk
like this. What? Look, Gabriel!
to work together! That’s great.
But so are the wolves
and cougars! (SNARLING) (STOPS SNARLING) (CONTINUES SNARLING) Dad’s on the log. Now,
Mom, you get the car
and pull them to safety! (GROANS) My driving ankle. Bart, I know
this sounds crazy, but do you think
you can drive a car? Okay. But it’s
my first time. Here’s the keys. I got a set. Now, Bart! (WOLF ROARING) Give them the food! Oh, no!
The roast beef is
making them stronger! And the falafel is
making them angrier! (HOMER EXCLAIMING IN FEAR) Give them the beer! It will impair
their motor skills! No! I will never… Oh, wait. It’s Blatz. Hey, they’re
all right. ALL: (SINGING) We are family Our bitter fights
are now history ALL: We are family Wolves and cougars
ate our roast beef Well, I think
you all did great. You broke out of
your normal roles to accomplish
something as a family. I really earned
my wings. I knew it! No. I mean this CD. (READING) (SINGING) Band on the run You know, we’ve been
through some 280
adventures together, but our bond has
never been stronger. Mmm. Yeah. Our family
is as functional
as all get out. Could this be
the end of our series
of events? (TIRES SCREECHING) Can I help you? Yeah. I’m looking
for Homer Simpson. Oh, it’s the woman
I married in Vegas! (ALL GASPING) Homer, you’re
a bad man, and your seed
should be wiped
from the earth. No offense, children. Homer and Ned,
you may now
kiss your brides. Give it to me, baby. Homer!
We’re married! (GASPS) You and Ned married
a couple of floozies? Marge, I’m sorry!
But it wasn’t my fault. Liquors drunkened me! If I had known
there were loose
women in Las Vegas, I would never
have let you go! Look, I did marry her!
But I abandoned her! Amber, tell her how
I abandoned you! This is the worst thing
you’ve ever done! (DOOR SLAMS) Well, Ginger, it sure is neat
that you managed
to hunt me down. Where’s the bed? Oh Lord,
I know my new wife
is a little more peppermint than
you’re used to. But I know you’d want me
to honor my sacred vows.
So, I will. Hey, stud. Where do
you keep your Wet Ones?
I need a shower. Oh, we’ve got a real
shower upstairs. Upstairs? I hit
the jackpot! So, sitting
on the bed, eh? Get out, Homer. Look, I married her.
But that is as
far as we went. We never ever made whoopee,
or even mouth whoopee! Homer, I don’t know
if I can ever forgive you. Please go away. Fair enough. But I’m gonna come back
with the greatest gift a husband can give his wife.
An annulment from
his secret wife. Mr. Simpson,
under Nevada law, bigamy,
or “Mormon Hold ‘Em,” is perfectly legal.
Both marriages stand. But I only love Marge! I hereby order you
to take care of
both of your wives! Bailiff, ring him! (SIGHS) You can’t kick me out.
It’ll cause a miscount
in the census! A miscount! (MARGE EXCLAIMS ANGRILY) Of all things
to ever come back and bite me in the ass,
this is the worst! Please, just
leave me alone. Now, now.
make you a snack. (GASPS) Ooh! Oh, yeah.
That’s good. Don’t stop. Oh, yeah… Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster! Oh,
you do that
like a pro! Oh, no.
She’s making him
a sandwich! HOMER: Use both hands! (SNORING) (SINGING) Rise and shine
and give God
your glory, glory! Me and the boys
made you breakfast
in bed. It’s the best
darn-diddily way to start your
first Flanders day. Think you can
Irish up this coffee
for me? Oops. Watch the swears,
honey bear. We don’t use the “I”
word in this house. Where’s my cigarettes? We flushed your sin
sticks down to hell. Smokers are jokers. Smokers are jokers!
Smokers are jokers! I think I’m
gonna throw up. Who wants to
hold Mommy’s hair? Me! Me!
I do! Hey, Vegas Mom,
how long are you
gonna stay here? I’m not going
anywhere. I already
unpacked my delicates. Doesn’t it bother you
that you’re breaking up
our family? You know,
I bet you and me
could be friends. I could show you
how to put on makeup. I’m eight years old. You could look seven. And I could teach
you to count cards. Nah. I already
got a system. LENNY: Jeez, Homer.
I thought someone with two wives
would be happy. No. You’re thinking
with two knives. I gotta tell you,
this is pretty terrific. (LAUGHS) Yeah! (SNORING) (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) (GRUNTING) Can’t panic.
Must remain calm. (WHISTLING) (YAWNING) Ah! The sweet couple
of seconds before I remember why I’m
sleeping on the lawn. Homer?
speaking to me? Why don’t you come
inside and we’ll talk? Talk about what?
Sports? Bigamy? Bigamy! Not a sports fan, huh? You insensitive jerk! Maybe this family
would be better
off without you! You know,
there are only
so many times I can say I’m sorry
and still mean it! Why don’t you just
take Britney Beers
and get out of here? I would,
if it wasn’t
for the kids! Hey, the heart wants
what it wants, dude. We had a good run. Well, that’s the last
we’ll see of them. Come on.
We’re going to Moe’s. My lady’s glass
is empty, Moe. Bring her another
Cookies and Cream martini. No, honey.
This time make it
a Sex on the Beach. And hold the Beach! Hey, Homer.
Your new wife is great. Her lips look
like night crawlers! You know, she can
put that mole
anywhere on her face. Wow. To Amber, who proves
there are seconds in
the buffet of life. Oh, my head! Aspirin. RU-486. Morning, love muffin. Who are you? I’m your new husband. And that was a wedding night
I’ll never forget! Oh, no. We didn’t. Well, we almost didn’t. But you wouldn’t take
“I can’t” for an answer. You want to give
Honest Abe another term
in the Oval Office? No! Oh, thank God! (SNORING) We’re married?
But how? Do you, Amber,
take Abraham as your
lawful wedded husband, renouncing all others? Oh, sure. He paid for the hour. (GASPS)
Whoo-hoo! You crapped out,
Vegas Mom! Our plan
worked perfectly. And we carried it
out as a family. What plan?
You got me drunk. Yeah. But this time
you woke up with
more than a hangover! You’re married
to me! Me! I can’t take it!
You’re too goody-goody! That’s not you
talking. That’s the
honey-mustard dressing! Come on, Ginger.
Let’s go back to Vegas. Yeah. I’m sure
there’s poker games
we can be won in. (TIRES SCREECHING) I’m so proud of us. When we stick together,
we can do anything. Oh! I lost
another wife! I’m so sorry, Grampa. Well, it hurts now.
But the senility
will take care of that. There she goes. You know,
I have a son
about your age. (ALL LAUGHING) Oh, I love that. English – US – PSDH